Losing My Voice

     Last May I made the decision to change my life by stepping out of my comfort zone.  In my case, my comfort zone was the indoors.  I made the plan to go outside at least once a week for a year and blog about my experiences.  So far my outside adventures have been mostly positive and often even fun.  Before I started this transformation, I hadn't been spending time outside or writing.   Blogging made me write again after a long hiatus and it felt good.  For months I made it a priority to get outside.  I seized opportunities for time in nature and created them when they didn't present themselves.  Although I wasn't falling in love with being outside, I was recharged by a lifetime love of writing.  Then I made another decision.  I wanted to go to graduate school and get a Master's degree in creative writing.  
     I began searching for colleges that would work with my family and home schooling life.  Then I applied.  The application process involved many pieces including letters of recommendation, an essay answering specific questions about my thoughts and future plans, and a 20 page creative writing sample.  After not writing for two decades, I had work to do.  Somehow by the eleventh hour, I got it done.  Then much to my shock, I got in.
     It was mid October when I got the news that I would be starting graduate school in January.  It was also mid October when I stopped blogging.  I did not make a conscious decision to stop writing. But it happened.  Although I had been in the routine of adventuring and writing for almost six months by that point, overnight it just seemed to disappear from my life.  People would ask when I was going to blog again and I didn't have an answer.  Now two months have passed and I start school in six days.
     I am so excited for this new chapter in my life.  I am excited for making reading and writing a regular part of my routine.  I am excited to meet fellow students and talk "words" with them.  I am excited for a week in Vermont immersing myself in my new academic lifestyle.  I am also terrified.  Terrified that I took on an impossible task.  Terrified that I am too rusty to write a novel in two years.  Terrified that my computer skills are not up to this challenge.  So fear took over and my writing came to a halt.  I had lost my voice.
     Last month I went on a weekend away with my good friend, Nicole.  Nicole is finishing graduate school to become a nurse practitioner and she was inspirational in my choice to go back to college.    We were eating out at a restaurant in Saratoga and my lack of blogging and outdoor exploring was on my mind.  She excused herself to go to the restroom and that is when I noticed the etching on our table.  Each table in the restaurant had carvings in them but mine seemed perfectly placed.  It read, "Go Out For Adventure.  Come Home For love".

I took a quick picture on my phone and sent it to my friend, Bonnie.  Bonnie was the inspiration behind my quest to get outdoors.  She is outside every chance she gets caring for and being cared for by nature.  I wanted to see what she saw in nature and feel what she feels.  Looking at the table I felt the familiar pull to do things differently and see what would happen if I did.  Then another month passed.

     Yesterday was Christmas and between Santa and my family, I got all the supplies I need to head to college.  I got notebooks, highlighters, toiletries for the dorm and White Out.  Lots of White Out. Knowing my family thinks I can do it means I can do it.  This time next week I will be at Goddard College settling in a dorm room and preparing for a week-long residency to kick off my graduate school experience.  With my family as cheerleaders, I think I am getting my voice back.