Losing My Voice

     Last May I made the decision to change my life by stepping out of my comfort zone.  In my case, my comfort zone was the indoors.  I made the plan to go outside at least once a week for a year and blog about my experiences.  So far my outside adventures have been mostly positive and often even fun.  Before I started this transformation, I hadn't been spending time outside or writing.   Blogging made me write again after a long hiatus and it felt good.  For months I made it a priority to get outside.  I seized opportunities for time in nature and created them when they didn't present themselves.  Although I wasn't falling in love with being outside, I was recharged by a lifetime love of writing.  Then I made another decision.  I wanted to go to graduate school and get a Master's degree in creative writing.  
     I began searching for colleges that would work with my family and home schooling life.  Then I applied.  The application process involved many pieces including letters of recommendation, an essay answering specific questions about my thoughts and future plans, and a 20 page creative writing sample.  After not writing for two decades, I had work to do.  Somehow by the eleventh hour, I got it done.  Then much to my shock, I got in.
     It was mid October when I got the news that I would be starting graduate school in January.  It was also mid October when I stopped blogging.  I did not make a conscious decision to stop writing. But it happened.  Although I had been in the routine of adventuring and writing for almost six months by that point, overnight it just seemed to disappear from my life.  People would ask when I was going to blog again and I didn't have an answer.  Now two months have passed and I start school in six days.
     I am so excited for this new chapter in my life.  I am excited for making reading and writing a regular part of my routine.  I am excited to meet fellow students and talk "words" with them.  I am excited for a week in Vermont immersing myself in my new academic lifestyle.  I am also terrified.  Terrified that I took on an impossible task.  Terrified that I am too rusty to write a novel in two years.  Terrified that my computer skills are not up to this challenge.  So fear took over and my writing came to a halt.  I had lost my voice.
     Last month I went on a weekend away with my good friend, Nicole.  Nicole is finishing graduate school to become a nurse practitioner and she was inspirational in my choice to go back to college.    We were eating out at a restaurant in Saratoga and my lack of blogging and outdoor exploring was on my mind.  She excused herself to go to the restroom and that is when I noticed the etching on our table.  Each table in the restaurant had carvings in them but mine seemed perfectly placed.  It read, "Go Out For Adventure.  Come Home For love".

I took a quick picture on my phone and sent it to my friend, Bonnie.  Bonnie was the inspiration behind my quest to get outdoors.  She is outside every chance she gets caring for and being cared for by nature.  I wanted to see what she saw in nature and feel what she feels.  Looking at the table I felt the familiar pull to do things differently and see what would happen if I did.  Then another month passed.

     Yesterday was Christmas and between Santa and my family, I got all the supplies I need to head to college.  I got notebooks, highlighters, toiletries for the dorm and White Out.  Lots of White Out. Knowing my family thinks I can do it means I can do it.  This time next week I will be at Goddard College settling in a dorm room and preparing for a week-long residency to kick off my graduate school experience.  With my family as cheerleaders, I think I am getting my voice back.

Many Hands

     For the past few weeks I have been concentrating on getting outside more by simply saying yes to outdoor opportunities.  I am not at the point where I would rather be out than in, but I am getting outside nonetheless.  A lot of my adventures have been things that are fun (to most people) like sporting events, long walks and camping.  I didn't want all of my experiences to be that though.  I wanted to go outside to do work.  Apparently some people think that is fun too.  Go figure.
     We belong to a CSA, or farm share.  We pay a fee that enables us to pick up a weekly supply of fresh vegetables from a local farm.  Great Song Farm, where we go, is a special place.   The farmers have built a wonderful community through farm tours, potlucks, musical events and more.  My whole family enjoys going there for pick ups and social gatherings.
     Each week the farm sends out a newsletter saying which vegetables we will be getting.  Included in the newsletter are a few nature based poems and some recipes that incorporate the more unusual produce we will be receiving.  I consider the newsletter a weekly gift.  Every time I see it in my inbox, I read it immediately and every time the same sentence jumps out at me.  It is the sentence looking for volunteers.  The farm wants volunteers on Wednesday and Friday mornings and they sweeten the deal with the promise of a vegetarian lunch.  Whenever I see that request I think of offering to help and then I wait to see if the weather would be a good fit for me.  During my mother's visit, the time had come.
  It was cool and overcast that Wednesday morning.  My mum, Oliver, Ginger and I were ready!  We dressed in layers and attempted to find wellingtons for the four of us.  In the end I wore pink Birkenstock clogs, my version of farm footwear.  I was so excited to do this!  I wanted to embrace being a farmer and reap what I sowed and live off the land if only for one morning.  On the way to the farm it began to sprinkle.  I was discouraged but not defeated.  I envisioned myself working on the land in the torrential rain like Ma Ingalls on Little House.  Suddenly I was wishing I had thought to make and wear a sunbonnet.
     The rain really didn't amount to much and soon we were there.  We met up with Farmer Sarah and Bridget, the farm intern.  The kids were anxious to show Grammie the draft horses that they had come to love on their visits to the farm.  We were all outfitted with work gloves and we began the walk to an upper field.  Today's task...turnips!!!

     It turned out that the upper field was way upper.  It was a hike to get to it and we all ditched the first layer as soon as we reached the turnips.  Farmer Anthony joined us there and gave us our instructions. Our job was to pull out of the ground the remaining turnips.  I could do that!  First we pulled them out and left them in piles along the row.  Next we gathered them and brought them to the beginning of the row so we could work on them all in one place.  There were two different types of turnips so we separated them,  cut off their tops and put them in large bags.  Next, the bags were loaded on the cart that the draft horses pulled.  And so were we!
     Riding on the cart behind the horses was awesome.  I made a joke about not having just fallen off the turnip truck and
everyone looked at me like I had three heads.  I have been known to misquote idioms and cliches but I thought I actually got that one right.  My spirit couldn't be dampened though.  I had found my outside calling!  Turnip picking!!!  Of course the weather would have to be cool and grey and my helpers would have to be adorable and willing and the farmers I worked with would have to be kind and tolerant.  As long as those things were always true, I had found my outside calling!!!
     I was looking forward to the promised vegetarian lunch.  The weather was so reasonable that we ate outside.  In October!  Sarah and Anthony had made a gorgeous vegetable soup full of fresh kale and squash.  They has a salad made from their own greens and shredded beets and fresh, local bread.  It was a feast.  I loved sitting at the table with my mother and two of my children alongside the farmers that we were happy to call our friends.

     While we finished up, Oliver and Ginger discovered a nearby pile of leaves.  Ginger mounded them up and jumped in!  Oliver raked more piles and asked if we could come back the next day.  I sat there and soaked it all up.  Heaven.

Fair Weather Fan

     In addition to my hatred for being outside and all things summer, I have another major aversion. Sports. I don't like watching them and I certainly don't like playing them. Through the years my children have tried a variety of sports. I never minded attending their games of baseball and soccer when they were little. They had all the cute and none of the competitiveness. Kids would be picking flowers in the outfield during baseball and running in a cluster during soccer. I was always the loudest cheerleader, cheering for all the children on both teams. As the kids got older they were in teams where scores were kept. I still screamed like a banshee but it wasn't as much fun.
     So imagine my surprise when my oldest daughter, Daisy called to tell me she got free tickets to a football game for us to attend during my upcoming visit to see her at her college in South Carolina. My mother and I were going to visit her and apparently we would be driving to Athens, Georgia to cheer on the University of Georgia Bulldogs while we were there. My mum always enjoyed football. I remember hearing her passionately reacting to games on tv when I was a little girl. When my brother and I were in high school, she would happily attend the games even if we wouldn't. She loved the idea of going to this game. Daisy loves football and her boyfriend is a sports lover too. I was the only one who wasn't so sure about this plan.
     Our first stop on this sports adventure was a tailgate party. This was weird. We had passes that allowed us a parking space at a tailgating station. What??? Who knew there was such a thing? A tailgating station is a gated lot with numbered parking spots and a building with restrooms and a common area. Apparently people buy season passes for this kind of thing. We were gifted the pass for the evening and clearly came unprepared. First of all, our rental car was not emblazoned in Bulldog paraphernalia like paw print magnets and University of Georgia flags. We did not have a red U of G awning to assemble in our spot or the coordinating chairs. We were sorely lacking a satellite dish, flat screen television and a grill, among other things necessary to participate. Instead, we had a two dollar Styrofoam cooler from Walmart full of cheese, vegetables, dips and sodas. Truth be told, I was wishing for a Bulldog temporary tattoo for my cheek or a red and black hoodie right about then. Despite my lack of love for sports, I do have a love for community and this definitely was one. Although I still wasn't too excited to go see the game, I started thinking I could get into this tailgating thing if I lived near a team. For the most part, we sat in the car and people watched and half dosed. Tailgating seemed to be something you met up with friends to do.
     Along with the tailgate pass comes a bus ride to the game. We loaded up with the fans and headed off to the college. We were a bit surprised when the bus stopped not that close to the school. We followed the crowd to the enormous stadium and eventually found our way to our seats. To my delight, there was a red pom pom on each one! It was on!!! Before the game even began, the crowd was wired. It was like nothing I had ever seen. The bleachers were a sea of red with a teeny corner of gold and black for the Missouri team. What a coincidence that the opposing team was a college my brother used to teach at. Which led to my mother rooting for the enemy. I can't say I actually cared about the Georgia team, but when in Rome...

     Before the game started the crowd was screaming and cheering along with prompts on the giant screen. I hollered with the best of them. As a matter of fact, I hollered louder than most of them. By the time the game actually started, my throat hurt. At no point did I have any idea what was happening on the field, but a young woman in front of me shared the drama that was unfolding near her involving a drunk teenager, his crying sister, the disappointed parents and the judgmental aunt. Way more entertaining. Daisy's boyfriend seemed shocked at my volume yet impressed. My mum kept rooting for the opposition so we had to pretend she wasn't with us. I remained clueless and content. After halftime we called it a night.
     Although the evening did not change my feelings towards sports, I had fun. And I have the pom poms to prove it.

Best One Yet

     For the past three weeks, my mum has been visiting from Wales.  She comes about once a year and is awesome about getting outside and playing with the kids.  She plays kickball and goes for walks, watches soccer games and cheers for our little cheerleader at football games.  When she is here I often think of the time she spends outside with them as a break for me to stay inside and get things done.  During this visit, I decided to try something new.
     On Tuesdays we drop my 15 year old son, Harper off at the local community college where he is taking a few classes.  Our routine is that we then head home so we can do our home school lessons.  Two weeks ago we brought my mother along so we could show her the school.  After we dropped Harper off, I had an inspired thought!  I remembered that the Walkway Over the Hudson was very nearby.  The Walkway is a special local landmark.  It is a 1.28 mile long pedestrian bridge over the Hudson River that connects Poughkeepsie to Highland, New York.  I suggested the idea to my mum and she was all for it!
     I always shy away from any activity that could potentially make me overheat so I really had to dig deep and want this.  My mum kept mentioning that if we did it I could blog about it so that was just the incentive I needed.  It was cool out and I had high hopes that it would be breezy up on the bridge.  Oliver and Ginger were excited!  Well sort of.  Ginger usually complains on outings like this.
     We started walking and it turned out to be the best outside adventure yet.  The weather was kind to me and the children were having fun.  We stopped at each sign along the bridge and took turns reading facts about the bridge and the area.  About halfway in we discovered the year old glass elevator that we had heard about.  The elevator went beneath the bridge and gave you a view that was almost magical.

Walkway Over the Hudson with Grammie

It took us to a path at ground level that wound around to include a playground, a restaurant, a children's museum and roads to the city above.  We felt like we had stumbled into a secret world!
     Next to the children's museum was a skateboard park full of ramps in various sizes.  Nobody was using it so we went in to explore.  Oliver quickly discovered that skate ramps make terrific slides!  He and Ginger would run up and slide down.  Eventually my curiosity got the better of me and I was sliding too.  Mum didn't join in but Oliver, Ginger and I had a blast holding hands and sliding down the ramps.  We had to pull them away to see what else we could find.

Fun at the skate park

     The playground was another hit.  They were the only ones there and it was easy for my mother and I to sit back and just let them be.  That is where I had my moment.  It was a moment where I realized how much I love home schooling my kids.  I love going out on school days and having places to ourselves.  I love seeing them learn by experiencing like they did when they read the historical signs on the bridge.  I loved letting their interests guide them.
     Eventually we took the elevator back to the bridge and walked the rest of the way to Highland.  Once we got there Grammie treated the children to ice creams.  We walked the 1.28 miles back to the Poughkeepsie side and headed to our car.  By then it was warm and I was getting anxious to lose a layer.  The amazing part though was that I was still having fun.

Fall At Last!

     This past Wednesday brought with it the moment I have been waiting many long months for.  Fall is here again!  I love everything about this time of year.  Fall means cooler days, sweater wearing and leaf changing.  It also could potentially mean less whining from me as I embark on more outdoor adventures.  I can't promise that, but it could happen.

     I ushered in fall with good friends, a picnic and a hike.  I dressed for the occasion by wearing sandals with a back strap.  Flip flops would have been just plain silly.  My long skirt may not have been the perfect choice but it got me through.  My dear friend, Lisa and her kids, Logan and Grace met me, Ginger and Oliver at Mills Mansion.

Mills Mansion

Mills Mansion is a local historical site along the Hudson River that has beautiful trails and large open grassy spaces.  Without a single gripe from me, we walked for an hour and a half!  I loved seeing Ginger and Grace walking hand and hand and listening to the boys chatting about Legos and Star Wars.  Lisa and I were able to catch up after a summer too busy to see each other.  The best part?  I wasn't the one to ask to stop hiking!  That's right!  It was one of the children!  

     We walked back on the trail until we reached our cars where our picnic lunches were waiting.  We spread our old blankets out on a large open field under the trees and enjoyed our food.  There was so much giggling and chatter that it made my heart feel good.  When we finished eating, the children began a game of Apples to Apples.  Lisa and I continued to enjoy our uninterrupted opportunity to talk.  Perfection.  

     There were lots of hugs good bye and promises to meet up again soon.  For a moment I almost caught myself wishing the weather would stay this reasonable so we could have more outside days like this.  Almost.  

Lunar Eclipse

     Fall also brought with it an amazing phenomenon called the Supermoon.  My understanding of this is limited, but I believe it means the moon was closer to the earth than ever and something eclipsed at the same time.  What I do know is my husband lives for this stuff.  He has been known to get up in the middle of the night to see meteor showers and other astronomical activity.  Since those things fall into the category of outdoor adventures, I never partake.
The night of the Supermoon I checked in with my daughter, Daisy, who is in South Carolina attending college.  She loves being outdoors, so I asked her if she was going to observe the eclipse.  She was bummed because it was too cloudy where she was to see it.  She suggested I go out and look at it.  In her words, "You  should go out and get your Supermoon on and blog about it".  My response, "I can't.  There is a marathon on tv of The Facts of Life".  Besides, there will be another one in 2033.

Proof

     They call Labor Day the "Unofficial End of Summer".  I was waiting with baited breath for the day when summer ended and took with it the heat and sunshine.  Unfortunately for me, Labor Day came and went and then the temperatures went up.  I am looking into making Labor day the "Official" Last Day of Summer in hopes that will change the universe's weather pattern going forward.  So far though, no luck.

Tan lines!

     As predicted, I struggled with my outdoor adventure plan for the hottest months of the year.  I have never loved the heat and I wondered how I was going to get myself outside every week now that I said I would.  So to all of you that said I couldn't do it and to all of you that said I wouldn't do it, I have proof.  I have proof that I have not only gone outside this summer but I have gone outside a lot.  My friends, I have tan lines.  I have flip flop lines on my feet and caramel colored knees.  You don't get those from staying in the ice cold awesomeness of the indoors!  Tan lines are hard earned.  I like to think of them as battle scars. As further proof, I have noticed highlights in my hair.  It is possible they are just grays, but I am calling them highlights.
     Don't get me wrong.  There were absolutely some magical outdoor moments this summer.  There were trips to the Lake House and a fantastic birthday party.  There was sitting on a restaurant's deck for hours while I caught up with a friend I hadn't seen in six years.  There was the beginning of a new cheer season for Ginger and a wonderful day with my husband and three youngest children at the county fair.  Through it all I learned a lot.  I learned that I probably will never learn to love sunshine.  I learned that sunscreen really works if you actually remember to put it on.  I also learned that my kids want me outside with them because they want to share something they love with me.  Most importantly I learned that that is reason enough to get out there.

Praying for Sunshine

     On this past Sunday, we had a party to celebrate the birthdays of our three youngest children.  Leo, Oliver and Ginger have birthdays in June, July and August so we always throw them one big Summer celebration.  Every year I seem to pick a weekend where lots of families are away and I worry about how many people will come.  I didn't have to worry this year.  Everyone was coming.  As the guest list kept growing, I began praying for a sunny, dry day so the party could be outside.  I basically never wish for days to be sunny and dry, so this was new for me.  It wasn't even about not wanting 40 kids and 35 adults in my house.  It was because I knew they would have more fun outside.  There.  I said it.  Even I knew they would have more fun outside.
     The day of the party was indeed warm and dry.  Very warm. Unpleasantly warm.  I whined every time I stepped outside to work on preparations.  Luckily my super, amazing husband took care of 99.8% of what needed to get done out there.  My jobs were blissfully contained in the climate controlled utopia of the house.  I cooked and cleaned and decorated cakes and painted names on beach bags for the kids coming to the party.
     Five o'clock came and it was party time!  Outside we had a sand table with hidden shells, a large block of ice with treasures frozen inside, pennies in the hay, a kiddie pool, a large homemade slip and slide and new for 2015...slip and slide kickball!!!  Soon the house and yard were full.  The slip and slide had at least ten kids on it at any given time and there was a wet and wild kickball game that went on for hours.

Homemade slip and slide

     We purposely planned the event for early evening so it would be cooler.  The yard was shady and it was actually bordering on reasonable out there.  Our guests ate and chatted.  There were people sitting on the grass relaxing as the children played together without incident.  It couldn't have been nicer.  I was grateful for the weather that made this day possible.   I can't believe it either, but I was.
     The morning after the party I woke up stiff and sore from two straight days on my feet.  I got the children up and we headed to the yard to begin clean up efforts.  Socks and cups floated in the kiddie pool.  More cups were spotted mysteriously in the treetops.  It looked like the aftermath of a college kegger.  To top it all off, there was a pair of panties on the fence post of the horse's pen.  Now that is evidence of a great party!